Healthy Boundaries Relatives Should Have with Newborn Babies

We often can get carried away when meeting a new baby. All that cuteness! It’s easy to forget that new mamas need their rest, and that ground rules should apply around this special time. Here’s what to keep in mind.

The arrival of a newborn in your extended family is always an exciting affair. While mamas welcome this milestone introduction this can quickly become overwhelming, particularly if there are many visitors. Plus, mamas need time to feel like themselves again, and should never pour from an empty glass!

If you know a mama who’s in the thick of postpartum chaos — take it from us, it’s not pretty. As extended family or friends, here’s how you can establish boundaries to help the new mum out.

Sassy Tip: New mamas, before visitors arrive, take the time to sit down with your partner and ensure that you’re on the same page regarding boundaries. You’re a team!

1. Give the new mama adequate time to rest

Picture this: the mama has just been through hours of labour, is in pain and trying her best to get the hang of the whole breastfeeding. On top of all that, she has to care for a new baby around the clock. She’s up every two to three hours, household laundry cycles are suddenly on overdrive, and there’s just so much to do. The best thing you can do for any new mama is to just give them time to rest and recuperate. Sometimes, that means holding off going over for a week or two after the baby is born, just so that the family has time to find their bearings.

Sassy Tip: To show that you care, have a meal delivered or offer to help with chores. You can help walk the family dog, or book a newborn photoshoot as a gift! These little gestures go a long way.

Read more: Where to Book Newborn Photography and Maternity Photoshoots in Hong Kong

2. Practice good hygiene

As infants have barely established immune systems, it’s always best to err on the side of caution. If you take public transport, it’s nice to bring a fresh set of clothes to change into. This is a touching gesture to show next-level consideration! Upon entering the house, wash your hands and legs to avoid bringing bacteria in. And of course, wash your hands before touching the baby.

Sassy Tip: Alternatively, ask for a large swaddle cloth to drape over your shirt if it’s too troublesome to bring an extra set of clothes.

Read more: Living With a Confinement Nanny: An Expat’s Post-Baby Guide

3. Minimise unnecessary contact

Babies are fragile. Wait for the parents to initiate holding the baby rather than asking to — wait to be invited. And whatever you do, avoid kissing any part of the baby.

Read more: Etiquette For Friends Going Through IVF: Do’s And Don’ts

4. Hold back from giving unsolicited advice

New mamas are often swarmed with 1,001 opinions. While good intentions are appreciated, being the recipient of unsolicited advice can take its toll.

Sassy Tip: Here’s a heads-up: please don’t comment on whether the new mama should breastfeed over giving formula, assume they are trying our best. Parenting looks different for everyone.

Read more: Motherhood 101: Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Mum

5. Be mindful of your travels

Travel exposes you to nasty viruses. We know you can’t wait to see the baby, but if you’ve just returned from a holiday, try to visit in a week or two rather than immediately. Never hurts to be on the safe side!

Read more: Easy Family Holiday Destinations For Stressed-Out HK Mums

6. Refrain from commenting on physical traits

Try not to comment on the baby’s size, head shape, skin colour, amount of hair and so on. They may be passing comments to you, but may stay with the new parents for longer. Keep your comments neutral, and if you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all!

Read more: Motherhood 101: Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming A Mum

7. Don’t post photos on social media without permission

It’s normal for visitors to want to share the new bundle of joy. Just be sure to always ask for permission first! Not all mamas will be comfortable with pictures of themselves or their babies being on social media, so check before posting.

Read more: What You Can Do To Safeguard Your Child’s Social Media Influences

8. Keep an eye on the time

Above all, new mamas and their babies need lots of rest. Be mindful of the duration of your visit, and don’t overstay your welcome. Many parents will feel bad about asking you to leave, so the onus is on you to make the first move. A good rule of thumb is not to stay over an hour or two and to ensure you don’t visit late in the evening.

Sassy Tip: Never drop in unannounced. Call or text to arrange a suitable date and time.