Second Time Around: Everything To Know About Getting Married Again

If you’re getting married a second time, count your blessings! Shake off any thoughts of a social stigma, and be assured that everyone around you will be happy for you. Here’s how to navigate it with grace, intention and a little less anxiety.

There is a particular kind of courage that comes with choosing love a second time. So if you’re getting another shot at love, we’re so happy for you! Yet despite the growing normalcy of second marriages, many people still approach the planning process with a degree of trepidation — worrying about perception, protocol and whether the occasion warrants the same level of celebration as the first.

It does. Full stop. Whether you’re planning an intimate gathering or a full-scale affair, your second wedding deserves just as much thought, joy, and intention as any other. However, if you want to stay on the safe side, here’s some second-wedding etiquette (a.k.a. the do’s and don’ts) that you might want to take note of.

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Have The Conversation With Your Ex — And Your Kids

This might sound counter-intuitive but, trust us, he or she will definitely appreciate it. Take the time to drop them a call, and let them hear it from you directly. They’ll be super happy for you, and you won’t have to worry about them hearing about your wedding from someone else.

More critically, if children are involved, they should be the very first people you tell. This conversation requires patience and sensitivity. Children — regardless of age — need to be reassured that a new partner is an addition to their world, not a replacement for the parent they already have. Give them time to process. And wherever possible, begin these conversations well in advance of the wedding itself.

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Bring The Children Into The Planning

For a second wedding, it’s not just about uniting two individuals. Instead, it’s about bringing two families together. Ask them for their opinions on the colour scheme or flowers or get their help with designing the invite. If you’d like, you can ask them to be your flower girls and page boys. Who knows, they might even get excited about putting up a short song-and-dance segment.

Sassy Tip: The idea of a family sand ceremony is lovely! Ask each member of your new combined family to pour some sand into a bottle. Give a different colour to each member, and watch as the colours combine to form a new artwork. This will be symbolic of your two families coming together in a beautiful union, and makes for a wonderful souvenir.

Beyond the ceremony itself, use this period of planning to begin talking openly about the future: the shared traditions you’ll build, the family holidays ahead, the new rituals that will become uniquely yours.

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Be Intentional About Where You Spend

Perhaps for your first wedding, you went all out with a big glamorous venue and a never-ending guest list. For your second wedding, choose what to spend on, and save the rest for a great honeymoon instead. P.S. If you’ve always wanted to have a destination wedding or take an overseas pre-wedding photoshoot, this is your golden chance to do so! Or if there’s anything you wish you had for your first wedding, make sure to include it in your second one.

One great idea is to set aside some money for a family photoshoot. This will be a great way to create some new memories, and the photographs will look lovely as backdrops at the wedding itself.

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Recalibrate Your Guest List Expectations

The guest list you had at your first wedding reflects the life you were living then. Your circumstances — and those of the people around you — are different now. Now, many of your friends will have families of their own. Some of them might have even migrated overseas due to job commitments. As such, don’t have too high expectations about everyone being able to attend your wedding; sometimes, as all mamas are all too familiar with, it just isn’t as easy when childcare commitments come into play.

Sassy Tip: To make it easier for your guests with kids, set up a kids’ corner with colouring sheets, stickers, and crafts. You can also put disposable cameras at every table, and ask the kids to take photos of whatever they fancy. At the end of the day, these photos will also make for great keepsakes of the wedding!

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Let The Occasion Reflect Who You Actually Are

Chances are, with your first wedding, you probably had the usual white wedding gown. Now that you’ve been there, done that, why not have some fun with your dress this time round? Consider choosing a dress that’s in your favourite colour, or add some sparkles if you want some extra shimmer. Alternatively, if you still want to go down the classic route, there’s nothing wrong with being in white again.

Besides, here’s your chance to make this wedding unique to the new union of the two families. A fun idea would be to theme it around something all of you (including the children) like to do together, such as a seaside trip, a favourite holiday destination, or cosy movie nights. To take the stress off, consider hiring a wedding planner to settle all the nitty-gritty details.

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Write your own vows

This is our favourite part of every wedding. When you write your own vows, you have the opportunity to tell your own unique story. This is also your chance to craft something meaningful for your partner, and put in words how much you love them. And hey, your guests will love listening to them too!

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Invite Whoever You Like — And No One You Don’t

A second wedding carries none of the social obligation of the first. There is no expectation to extend invitations to your parents’ colleagues, distant relatives you see once a decade, or anyone else whose presence would be more about appearances than genuine connection.

Invite the people who know you, love you, and are truly invested in seeing this chapter begin. Keep it intimate if that is your preference — separate celebrations with wider circles of friends are entirely appropriate, and often far more enjoyable for everyone involved.

As for whether to invite a former spouse: unless your partner is genuinely, unequivocally comfortable with it, the answer is almost certainly no.

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