Advice for tweens and teens dealing with everyday issues
She’s baaack! Teacher and mentor Louise Palanker is here, and this time some of the questions she’s answering are hitting quite a nerve. Is there an age when a guy is too old for you (um, yes!)? What if your sexuality isn’t out in the open yet? She’s here to offer some great advice to these questions and more, so here’s this week’s column…
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There’s this guy who I’ve been friends with since freshman year (I’m a junior now) and I’ve liked him on and off since we met. Our friends are always joking around about how we’re dating/like each other but we both kind of just ignore them and brush it off. A couple weeks ago we were Facetiming and he said some things that made me think he might like me. We talked from 10pm to 2am about everything and he said stuff like, “I’m glad we had classes together because it would really suck if we never met,” and he was really sweet and flirty. This happened again a couple days later. Then apparently he asked my friend about me the next day. But after that week we’ve barely spoken, and I don’t want to be the one to reach out and seem desperate. -Tania
My best guess is that he likes you. Generally speaking, a straight guy does not spend that much time talking with a girl unless he sees her as more than a friend. Take a chance. Make the next move. Say, “Hey, what’s up? I miss you.” This will not make you seem desperate. Whether or not you two ever become romantic, you are growing up together. You will remain important people in each other’s lives. Take a chance and do the brave thing. He needs people who understand him and so do you.
I think I’m in love. First things first though, I’m gay, but not out yet, so that makes dating a whole lot harder. I know my crush from school – we’re in lots of classes together and we’re quite good friends. On a school camping trip I got to share a tent with him, and we go out every so often, maybe every few months. I decided to ask him if he wanted to go into the city with me to the cinema or something, and he said yes. We’re going out next Tuesday. This time, I really want to make a move on him, subtly, because, like I said I’m not out yet, but enough so that I can test the water and see what’s what. He’s very flirtatious, and I can never tell whether he’s joking or actually hinting something to me. We get along well, and I’ve tried to hint my passion for him before (unsucceedingly of course). His casual character, however, means it’s hard to read him and his actions. As you can tell, a million and one thoughts are flying through my head now that my ‘date’ is arranged. I would love some advice on how to hint to him that I like him. – Caleb
I think you should start by letting him know that you are into guys. That just clears a certain amount of air. He may then reveal more about his own preferences. Or he may not, but he will at least know yours. You can do this by mentioning that you think a certain male celebrity is attractive. That sort of thing. If he still seems really comfortable and natural and flirty around you and if you are able to learn that he also likes guys you can say, “Hey so are we just hanging out or is this a date?” Take the conversation from there.
You have a right to know where you stand. There is no shame in having a crush. In fact, it’s a compliment. We all crush. It is inherently human. So, information is your friend here. Seek it. Being informed gives you the fuel you will need to make excellent choices.