Advice for kids about their love life, dealing with depression and getting some much-needed sleep
Teenagers have a lot of questions! And sometimes they want a neutral person to help them out. That’s why we enlisted teacher and mentor Louise Palanker to share her insight and wisdom. She’s back with some great advice for kids about “ghosting”, battling depression and even getting some shut-eye!
I met this girl in the hospital and we were going out for a little while. It was secret. We made out and didn’t go farther than that. I contacted her when I got out. I felt something amazing with her but she ghosted me for a while. Should I meet her in person and ask why? – Matt
It can be really hard to walk away with no answer but I think it’s important to learn that no answer is often your answer. Yes, she owed you more than that after sharing some special moments with you. Emotional intimacy should come before physical intimacy. This allows you to be more certain of each other’s intentions and less likely to get hurt. So, since the two of you were bonding over a shared hospital experience, I am going to assume that you did have that sense of connection with her and that you may, therefore, need a little more closure before you are really ready to let this go.
Send her one more text that says, “Are you available to talk?” Some conversations just need to happen with our voices. If she responds, have your heart-to-heart and tell her about what you felt with her when you were together. If she does not respond to your text then I think you should move on and see who else is waiting to know you.
I am going through a tough time in my life with depression. I have gained weight and I am trying to go to the gym and eat properly. Recently I had to miss work because it was not good for my health and mental state and I became really stressed out. I go to the doctors a lot so right now I am trying to repair myself and get healthy. It’s really hard for me and my boyfriend thinks I make excuses. I know I gained weight I know my tummy isn’t like a model’s but he makes me feel insecure. He puts a lot of stress on me about my weight and it makes me very sad. I’m thinking maybe the other reason why I’m not losing weight is because of him. Do you think maybe we should go on a break so that I can just have time for myself to reach my health and weight goal? – Taylor
You and I have much in common. We both disagree with your boyfriend. You are a wise, wise woman. You answered your own question. I agree that it is time for you to be single and get healthy. Emotionally healthy. You are correct. The rest will follow. You will also find that when you are dating the right guy he will know better than to say word one about a woman’s weight! Good Lord! That is a no-go zone! A great guy will celebrate you and your body and your hopes and goals and dreams. Go find yourself and only then go find that guy.
I need help with falling asleep. I’ve been falling asleep at like 4:00 am every night and I can’t fall asleep. I just want to be able to go to sleep at night and not be tired all day please help! – Reed
Some people have more trouble than others falling asleep but there are steps you can take that involve and include you mustering some discipline and establishing a routine. Start by trying to get to sleep earlier. This means getting offline. STOP playing games, watching videos, interacting with friends or whatever else you do online. If you need to hand your device to your parents at 9pm then do that. Give yourself something you can look forward to doing every night that will help you relax your body and mind. Something very low tech. Write or read or listen to music or draw or journal for an hour. Then turn off the light, lay on your back, close your eyes and think about relaxing all of the muscles in your face, jaw and tongue. Then think about everything you have accomplished in your day that makes you feel proud and happy. Say a gratitude prayer. What are you thankful for?
I saw a meme which read, “What is wrong with these people who just easily fall asleep!!?? Don’t they have thoughts!!??” I know that even my soothing thought suggestions may send you down distracting rabbit holes full of things you were supposed to do or conversations that went sideways. You rewind them and rewrite them, etc. So, if you still find yourself getting wound up over “relaxing” thoughts then here’s what works for me: song lyrics. Find songs that you know by heart. I use Hamilton because it’s so rhythmic and I am generally asleep before I get to The Schuyler Sisters. But use what works for you.
It’s important to find lyrics that you know very well because whenever I get stuck on a lyric I will wrestle with it, get distracted and be unable to fall asleep. But if I know the lyrics well then reciting them in my head is very calming and it drowns out other thoughts and allows me to sleep. Something else that may work for you is reading this lengthy response to your question… But print it out because no devices after 9pm!