Making Sex A Priority After Having Kids: Getting Your Groove Back

Five simple steps to get you in the mood for sex

Does this sound familiar: You reach the end of a long day, but still have to cook and then put the kids to bed before finally plopping down on the sofa, feeling exhausted and drained. But you still have a little time to talk to your husband, share stories about your day, and maybe – just maybe! – get intimate. But let’s get real; you’re totally ready to call it a night. You know you need to reserve your energy for another day, to do it all over again. But if you don’t make sex a priority, you worry, will your relationship suffer?

Ask yourself: how often do you feel in the mood for sex and how often do you feel you are not?

Sex is an important factor in a marriage and, just like a great marriage, it requires work. They go hand in hand and create a well-balanced relationship. But the good news is the more connected you are to your partner intimately, the more fulfilled you, your relationship, and your family will be.

Here are some tips on how to keep the intimacy alive in your marriage after having kids:

Read more: Sex After Pregnancy: All You Need To Know From Our Health Specialist

When was the last time you did something for yourself and you truly nurtured your body and practiced self-care? As a busy mum, it’s easier said than done right? But when you nurture yourself and “fill your own bucket” with all the good stuff, you then have energy to give to your partner too. Go and connect with your body and do something that will help you feel sexy and confident. Enjoy a hot bath, dance to some sensual music, use some nice body moisturiser that will make your feel skin soft, buy yourself something intimate that will make you feel good. You get the drift… when you feel good, intimacy comes naturally.

As a mum you already enjoy playfulness with your kids, but what about the playfulness in your relationship? When you have kids you constantly have to be creative to keep things fun. The same goes for your relationship and sex life. You don’t have to be super rigid and schedule play, intimacy, and sex in to your diary. But just break up your routine and play together.

That means date nights, intimate touches, acting the same light-hearted way you did before you had kids, having face-to-face moments with intimate connections. Spend some time holding hands on the sofa while you binge on Netflix one night. Cuddle. Kiss. Plus I encourage you to add some fun things into your bedroom – think of nice massage oils, feathers, maybe a fun trip to the sex shop? I love Sally Coco for couples (if you’re too shy to head there yourself, you can order your products online!).

Yes, you heard me right. Rather than calling it “date night,” call it an Adventure Date. This can be a complete surprise in the bedroom or a date night planned out (while a babysitter looks after the kids). Your adventure dates are not your regular date night routine of dinner and wine, then go home and have sex. An adventure date becomes an intimate adventure between you and your partner. Here’s how it works – one person thinks outside the box and takes the other person on the adventure with them doing something new and adventurous. It can be sexual and non-sexual, inside and outside of the bedroom. The key ingredient to get you in the mood is novelty and curiosity. An adventure date will give you all of this and you’ll naturally want to ravish each other!

I truly believe understanding each other’s erotic language is key to initiating sex. How many times has your partner initiated sex, but the way they asked to be intimate didn’t turn you on – in fact, it had quite the opposite effect? What if your partner knew exactly what to do and initiate sex the right way, saying all the right things, touched you the right way, created the right scene? I’m pretty sure you then would sink into your body, where desire will take over and do the rest. Understanding your Erotic Blueprint ™ Type will help you understand how you are erotically wired and your pathways to arousal.

I hope this one has piqued your interest! Touch is so important when it comes to a relationship and intimacy. We often touch the other person the same way we like to be touched, or we have sex the way we like it. But unfortunately, no one teaches us about touch and intimacy. We often think sex is a bit of foreplay and then intercourse, yet sex is not something we do but a place we go.

I love touch games as they can lead to anywhere and anything. Discovering if you like a skin hovering touch, a long sensual touch, direct genital touch, or a little slap can be mind-blowing. Maybe you like them all? Playing touch games where you ask your partner how they like different types of touches is fun, playful and will set you in the mood for exploring more.

I encourage you to inject some of these simple tips into your relationship STAT. You’ll enjoy more sex, more desire and more sexual satisfaction that you didn’t even know was possible while creating greater love and connection with your partner. And while you’re at it, take the Erotic Blueprint ™ quiz to help you discover your pathway to your own arousal.