Is It Okay To Discipline Children That Aren’t Your Own?

Is it appropriate to tell off a child who isn’t your own? This age-old question sparks heated debates and challenges even the most seasoned parents…

Whether it’s a stranger stepping in at the playground, a family member enforcing their own rules or a friend correcting your child in front of you, these moments can feel uncomfortable, awkward and downright infuriating. But do these situations always cross a line, or can they sometimes be justified? We turned to Team Sassy Mama to share their personal stories — memories of being disciplined by strangers as kids, witnessing these tense moments unfold or dealing with the emotional rollercoaster of seeing their own children corrected by someone else. Their answers might surprise you! Keep reading to unpack discover what we really think about this controversial question…

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“On the way home from work, I once witnessed a man absolutely tearing into a young boy (between 10 to 15 years old) on the side of the road, who was sobbing profusely. The yelling was so intense and public, I automatically assumed the man was the boy’s father. When he got back into his car and sped away, I even thought the kid was being punished — that perhaps his dad had told him to walk home out of anger (I’ve been there!). But when I approached the child and offered him some cab money, he told me he was waiting for the bus; he had dropped his basketball into the road and nearly caused an accident, prompting the stranger to get out of his car..

When I realised the man was not related to the kid, the situation felt a little disturbing. I’m not a maternal person, but there was something horrifying about a stranger yelling at a young boy without anyone to defend him, who was then left alone, crying. Being humiliated at that age can really leave a mark, so I tried to console the child and let him know the adult was out of line. If I had known the man wasn’t his caretaker, I would’ve stepped in earlier.”

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“My mum bought my cousin’s kid a child leash because he couldn’t sit still, which really embarrassed me. I thought it was so condescending and even told her not to do it, but she didn’t care.”

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“My friend’s 12-year-old kid once kicked her helper in front of all of us and, much to everyone’s horror, didn’t do anything about it. When she later asked us what we had thought about the situation, we candidly told her we thought it was disgusting. She then asked us to tell off her child because she didn’t feel confident enough to do so herself. The entire thing was bizarre and difficult to witness.”

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“When a family member told my child off, I didn’t say anything as I was a little taken aback, and had to delicately balance being respectful but also standing up for my child. I had a ‘debrief’ with my child after to make sure he was okay — we discussed different personality types in this weird and wonderful world,  how to approach situations like that in the future and what tools to use to stand up for yourself if you don’t feel like the disciplining is justified. I reassured him that he could always speak to me and that I would also support him, but would also speak to him privately if I felt what he did was wrong.”

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“When I was 6, I was disciplined by a random auntie on the MTR. I think I was eating or drinking, and she yelled at me in front of everyone while pointing at the MTR sign that said “No Eating & Drinking.” It was super embarrassing and shameful. Even after 20+ years, I still think about it, and I’ve never eaten or drank on public transport since. Looking back, I feel like the woman could have handled it better. The way she scolded me sort of gave me PTSD — I’m still always worried people will judge my behaviour on the MTR.”

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“There was a time when I drove my daughter and her two friends (sisters) home from school for a playdate. They weren’t wearing their seatbelts, so I told them they needed to buckle up. They replied, ‘You’re not our mum. Our mum lets us not wear seatbelts.’ I said, ‘You’re in my car — my rules! If not, I’ll drive you back to your house.’ It was more of a light-hearted moment with the kids, but the point was made. If they were my children, I would prefer that the issue was discussed with me prior so I’d know how to handle it.”

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“I once tutored a pair of siblings — some days, teaching them why throwing toys at their cat was unacceptable took priority over reading comprehensions.”

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“I’ve never been in a situation in which another parent/caregiver has disciplined my kids, but I don’t think I would be okay with it — especially as they’re both so young.  For instance, I once witnessed a dad shouting at our friend’s child for pushing, but the kid was 2 years old; it was unintentional and he was still learning. The yelling really scared him and it felt so uncalled for. In situations like that, it’s better just speak to the kid’s parent.