The Best Mother’s Day Gift: Reclaiming Your Identity After Marriage and Kids

Don’t get us wrong, we love being wives and mothers. But this Mother’s Day, we’re reclaiming ourselves too! Here’s how to strike a balance.

It’s so easy to say you won’t change after getting married and having kids — but change is inevitable. The good news is, there are things you can do to preserve your core identity. Start by asking yourself: who are you when stripped of all your titles — mother, daughter, wife, employee? What remains is the real you, and it’s time to honour that while weaving it into your evolving identity.

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Find your unicorn space

Sometimes, just sometimes, we’re so busy taking care of everyone else that we simply forget to take care of ourselves. We’re firm believers that no one (yes, Mama, that includes you!) can pour from an empty cup, and there’s nothing wrong with putting yourself first at times.

Purposefully set aside time to do something that re-energises you. As Eve Rodsky, New York Times best-selling author, puts it, it’s all about finding your ‘unicorn space’; a space that’s truly, and solely, for you. Get lost in a good book, do some people-watching at a café, or watch a solo movie at the cinema (this is one of our favourites). If you can’t get away from the kids at home, it can also be something simple like doing some gardening while they play, or asking a manicurist to visit for some home treatments.

Sassy Mama Tip: How about making this a working collaboration with your partner? For example, take turns taking the kids for one to two hours every weekend, and giving the other person the space for some me-time. Trust us, it works wonders!

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Take up a new hobby

There’s nothing like the satisfaction of picking up a new skill. Some examples with no experience needed include flower pressing or watercolour painting. Get an endorphin rush by picking up a new exercise regime: we’ve tried barre, spin, reformer pilates… and love them all.

In fact, why not introduce your family to something you’re passionate about — and turn it into something everyone can enjoy together? Pick songs to perform in a weekend home rock concert, bake up a storm, or go on hikes together to enjoy the great outdoors. Here are some of our favourite stroller-friendly hikes in Hong Kong! Not only will you Mamas get to enjoy a nice breather, but there’s just something special about watching kids fall in love with nature.

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Nurture your friendships

Supermamas, we know you can do everything on your own. But you really don’t have to! Make the effort to continue reaching out to friends; and if you can’t respond as quickly as before, simply let them know that they’re on your mind, and you’d definitely love to chat whenever you’re able. Don’t worry, they’ll be more than understanding.

Keep a close circle of friends, which is something that’ll make all the difference. Reach out to other parents, and share the joys and lows of motherhood that they’ll be able to relate to. You guys can share stories and tips, and just make the whole parenting thingamajig a little less lonely.

Sassy Mama Tip: However, what’s equally important is the friendship that you have with those friends without children. Baby talk 24/7 can get a little consuming, and it helps to talk about things other than keeping your children alive. Talking about non-child-related topics can be a nice and much-welcomed change!

Read more: Making Friends In Hong Kong: How to Meet New People As Parents

Spend quality time with your partner

Date nights are non-negotiable in our household. After all, the foundation of any family is a strong marriage, and strong marriages take effort to work (and keep working). Parenting can be quite the ride for new dads too: here’s a handy New Dad Survival Guide that might help tide your partner through.

The bottom line is that it’s always great to take some time for yourselves, especially to prevent burnout. Take turns to plan dates: it can be something simple like going to one of your favourite restaurants or going for a picnic in the park. Alternatively, go for a workshop or try a new recipe together; or go somewhere you can’t go with the kids in tow, such as these cool rooftop bars. Here’s an idea: how about a fab daytime date whilst the kids are at school?

Sassy Mama Tip: It can be really tempting to just talk about the kids during this time together. We totally feel you! However, your partner will definitely appreciate the extra effort to talk about your common interests like movies that the both of you are interested in catching, potential travel destinations, and more.

Read more: Why Date Nights Aren’t Enough — How to Reignite Intimacy & Excitement